I'd Walk A Mile For A Camel

I started smoking when I was 12. It started when my friend Cathy and I decided to steal a pack of her mom's cigarettes out of the freezer. Cathy's mom noticed packs missing and confronted us about it. Shortly after the missing packs were discovered, Cathy's mom began letting us buy our own cigarettes. Back in the 1980's parents could send their kids to the gas station or party store with a note giving their kid permission to buy cigarettes. It was easy and convenient.

January 2005 I quit smoking cold turkey. It was easy, Drew had just gotten sick and was in the hospital. It was during these two weeks that I quit. I was spending all my time at the hospital. At the time I was unemployed. I was spending 12 plus hours a day with Drew at the hospital. Quitting was a snap and I thought I wouldn't go back. I did great for a while. I was completely smoke free for over three years. Last year I began caving - here and there. I didn't think anything of it, an occasional cigarette was harmless. I didn't think I would go back to smoking again. I've quit off and on over the past year. I have been getting progressively worse with quitting and for some reason I feel like I can't stop.

I don't like smoking. I don't smoke to look cool. I don't smoke so some guy will like me. I don't smoke so I can smell like stale cigarettes. I don't smoke to get winded when I walk.
I smoke because it's addictive. I smoke because I grew up around people who smoke. I smoke because Drew smokes.

I want to stop smoking because smoking has taken the lives of so many people I love: my Uncle, my Aunt, my Dad, my "second" mom, my "second" dad.

I'm 33. I have been smoking off and on for 21 years! 21 years!! That is MORE than HALF my life! What is it going to take for me to quit? I don't know. I'm not going to quit quitting.